‘Do you remember? I visited a hospital with Covid patients and shook hands with everyone and then 2 weeks later was in intensive care myself. Oops, what a plank!’
‘But it all seemed so simple then, no one was talking about Brexit or Australian-style deals or banging on about bloody fish morning noon and night. I was in my hospital bed being looked after by the wonderful doctors and nurses and Carrie would come in with a bottle of Lucozade and lean over me to pumffle my pillows and I could see right down her top – or was that Laura Kuennsberg? I don’t remember now’.
‘And then Dominic went to Durham and told everyone that he only went for a drive with this family to test his eyesight, what a character! We even told Dominic Raab that he was in charge just for a laugh, those were such carefree times’.
‘Now its just endless dinners and lunches and Zoom calls with Brussels and everyone’s blaming me just because it’s my fault’.
‘Sometimes I just like to close my eyes and imagine I’m back in my hospital bed and drift off to sleep. Then I come to with Ursula von der Leyen prodding me and telling me to wake up and everyone’s still talking about fish. It’s so unfair’.