‘Do you remember? I visited a hospital with Covid patients and shook hands with everyone and then 2 weeks later was in intensive care myself. Oops, what a plank!’

‘But it all seemed so simple then, no one was talking about Brexit or Australian-style deals or banging on about bloody fish morning noon and night. I was in my hospital bed being looked after by the wonderful doctors and nurses and Carrie would come in with a bottle of Lucozade and lean over me to pumffle my pillows and I could see right down her top – or was that Laura Kuennsberg?  I don’t remember now’.

‘And then Dominic went to Durham and told everyone that he only went for a drive with this family to test his eyesight, what a character!  We even told Dominic Raab that he was in charge just for a laugh, those were such carefree times’.

‘Now its just endless dinners and lunches and Zoom calls with Brussels and everyone’s blaming me just because it’s my fault’.

‘Sometimes I just like to close my eyes and imagine I’m back in my hospital bed and drift off to sleep.  Then I come to with Ursula von der Leyen prodding me and telling me to wake up and everyone’s still talking about fish.  It’s so unfair’.

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  • Boris Johnson fondly recalls better times when he was in ICU with Covid-19

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