Is the tale of Boris Johnson leaving straight from the horse's mouth?

Curiouser and curiouser, this tale of Malice in Wonderland.

A visitor to Chillingham Castle, home of Dominic Cummings’ father-in-law Sir Humphry Wakefield, came back with astonishing news.

Old Humphers, she said, “merrily informed” her that is still struggling with long-term – and would stand down in six months.

The horsey squire compared having the virus to being gone in the fetlock. “If you put a horse back to work when it’s injured, it will never recover,” he confided.

For horse, read Boris, who was seriously ill with coronavirus but got back to work almost as soon as he could stand.

Downing Street furiously trashed the report as “utter nonsense” and a bilious Prime Minister rubbished claims that he might step down as “absolute nonsense”.

So there must be some truth in the story, I reckon, despite him getting an “elite” physical trainer and dumb-bells.

And then we discover that his chief adviser, dolesome Dominic, has been away from his post for several weeks, after an undisclosed operation some time in July.

He has been recuperating somewhere in “the north of England”. Not in Barnard Castle, presumably, or he would have been spotted.

With the in-laws in Chillingham Castle, Northumberland, where the story began to circulate, perhaps?

Number 10 would not elaborate on his mystic

movements, except to say that Cummings, the political Cheshire cat, is returning to work on Monday. That’s a relief. How did the government survive without him? Oh, sorry, we know that already.

I’ve heard rumours before that Bojo won’t last the course, and would pack it in because of ill-health.

I don’t believe them, but then, what do I know about horses?

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